How To Plan A Wedding in 30 Steps

Congratulations on your engagement! How was the proposal? Was it all you've ever dreamed? At this point, you are probably still on cloud nine after announcing your engagement proposal to your parents, family, and friends. Even with the pandemic, nothing can stop two people in-love from planning their future together.

New York City engagement photos while cherry blossoms are in bloom in Central Park.

So you're engaged, now what? Here are a few steps that should help you plan for your special day.

1.Set a wedding budget and stick to that budget!

Before you start creating Pinterest boards and deciding what to wear, you have to set a budget. When I say set a budget, I mean you set a realistic budget. Today, outdoor weddings are on top of bride and groom's lists due to limited gatherings. This may help with your budget, where instead of 300 guests, you may have 100. However, if you are looking for a New York City rooftop wedding to incorporate the New York City skyline, then you may be looking at Tribeca 360, Ramscale, Gary's Loft, 620 Loft & Garden, or the Manhattan Penthouse on Fifth Avenue. Even if you were looking at the outer boroughs from The Foundry, The Penthouse at Ravel Hotel, or the classic Terrace on the Park, you still need to consider that a substantial part of your budget needs to cover the venue cost. It's not just a room you're renting for your special day, but the waitstaff, insurance, the food, and more.

New-Jersey-Engagement-Photo-Ideas-FortHancock-SandyHook-AngelicaCriscuolo.jpg

2.Insure your wedding ring!

You may think you will never need insurance for your ring, but it's better to have peace of mind. It could get stolen, you may lose it if you took it off to wash your hands, or you may bang your hand on a wall or a railing, and the jewel could fall out. You're wearing a beautiful token of love from your fiance; shouldn't you make sure it stays safe? You can use your renter's or home owner's insurance to help cover a portion of the ring's worth. My husband uses a company specializing in jewelry insurance, which covers the ring's cost if it is lost or stolen. We've been married for over 10 years, and he has kept paying for my ring's insurance. Over the years, we've added additional jewelry to the list that's covered.

3.Decide on your wedding timeline.

When did you want to get married? If you want a summer wedding, and you were engaged during the holidays, will it be possible for you to pull off a wedding in a few months, or does waiting until the following summer be better? Do you have the finances, or do you need to save for the big day? Most weddings are held a year or a year and a half from the engagement date. For destination weddings, giving your family and friends ample time may help ensure they can attend. If you have key family members you want to be there, can they travel, or do you need to choose a date when they can come to your wedding? You may also consider what else is happening during the dates you'd like to get married, so make sure nothing is conflicting, like a family or work event. Write down a few dates that will work for you both. Do not be too much in love with a wedding date because the venues you may want may not have that one day available. So for whatever reasons, you must have that 02/02/22, 02/22/22 wedding date, be prepared for that date to possibly be not viable.

4.Create your guest list.

This goes in conjunction with your timeline, so the top of the list includes the must-have family and friends that must attend. I've had couples who chose their wedding date based not just on their family's availability but also on their best friend or mentor. Once you have the must-have family and friends, write down the rest of your guest list. You're basically making a list of tiers from your must-haves to a "B" or "C" list. What you envision for your wedding may affect this number. If you want a more intimate wedding, you may not need to add your distant family members you've never seen or your co-workers. If you want an adults-only vibe, then maybe kids wouldn't be included. If you want a large gathering of everyone you know for a big bash, then go ahead and include everyone. You also need to consider your guest's plus ones. Your guest list may or may not include people that are important to your parents, so speak with your parents and have an honest discussion as to who needs to be invited. However, after making your tiers look at these numbers, the total may or may not fit the venue you want. The venue usually has a minimum and maximum number that you have to consider, so you might need to add more guests if you're not meeting the guest count for the venues you want, or you may need to reduce if the venue is at max capacity. However, remember Step 1 above. Stick to your budget! The more guests you add, the bigger the funding you need.

Tips: Color coordinate your list! Purple for you, Blue for your future spouse, yellow for mutual friends, orange for co-workers, etc. This helps when creating seating charts and follow-ups for those missing RSVPs. Keep your spreadsheet of your guest's name, addresses, phone numbers, etc., for future use, from Thank you cards, keeping track of gifts, noting who's invited to the bridal shower, and in the future, to baby showers, and more.

Note: Your guest list may be affected by your State’s current Covid-19 safety mandates and laws. Check with your local government for any updates. As of March 15, 2021, larger weddings can resume in New York State. Governor Cuomo stated 150 people can be in attendance or 50% of the venue’s capacity. Everyone must submit proof of a negative COVID-19 test.

5.Decide where or what approximate location you want to get married.

You've made your guest list; now you need to determine if your guests are all traveling to a destination wedding, the city where you live, or the town where you grew up. Most couples from different States determine which city to hold their wedding based on where most of the guests are located. If most of the bride's family and friends of 125 live in Long Island, New York, but the groom's family and friends of 75 live in Newport, RI, they may decide for the wedding to take place closer to the bride's family. So instead of a Newport Mansion, the wedding may take place at Oheka Castle in Long Island and have their iconic photos be photographed where Leonardo Dicaprio set foot on the grounds of the castle in "The Great Gatsby." However, if one of the groom's parents cannot travel far, the wedding may take place closer to his parents, while the New Yorkers enjoy a destination wedding by the sea.

Oheka Castle in Long Island, Huntington, New York

6.Find your venue.

Now that you have a few dates available, a guest list, the type and style, and a location for the wedding, it's time to research wedding venues that will fit your budget and meet your needs. There are many resources out there, from Brides Magazine and Grace Ormonde to The Knot, WeddingWire and Style Me Pretty. You can even use Instagram and Pinterest to find the style of the venue you're looking for. So if you're looking for a beach wedding like The Sands Atlantic Beach or The Crescent Beach Club, and your guest list consists of 50 people, you will need to find out if the venue can accommodate the intimate affair or if they have a higher minimum number of guests to book. Same if you really had your eye out for the Mandarin Oriental Hotel or The Regis. If your guest list has 500 people, you'll need to see if that number exceeds the guest occupancy allowed for the venue.

When reviewing venues, one thing to also decide, do they have an outdoor and indoor option for the ceremony and/or reception. You both may envision an outdoor ceremony like what you can get at The Paramount Country Club, Monteverde at Oldstone, or Tappan Hill Mansion. Make sure there's an indoor backup in case of weather change. Also, start reserving blocks of rooms for hotels for guests to stay. Your bridal party may also opt not to drive home, so consider them in addition to your out-of-state guests.

7.Book your ceremony location, minister, or officiant.

If you plan to have your ceremony at the same venue as your reception, you will need to find an officiant for your wedding. If you're having a religious ceremony in a church, synagogue, mosque, temple, or any religious building, check their available dates that coincide with the availability of the venues you've been researching. Certain faiths have requirements you have to meet to get married at their house of worship, so plan ample time to meet their deadlines.

Danford’s Hotel & Marina with wedding at The Old Field Club in Setauket- East Setauket, New York

8.Propose to your bridal party!

It's time to ask your siblings and closest friends to be by your side when you say, "I do." Be courteous as they donate their time and spending money, and make sure you provide them detailed information regarding the cost of dresses, suits, shoes, and any attire. Before approaching them, do research on the range of costs of the attire options you were thinking of that fit your wedding's style and theme. It's good to have an idea of what your bridal party would look like, so this way, you can discuss with them and reach a final consensus. Speak with them regarding expectations surrounding an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties.

9.Decide if you want a wedding planner.

Many couples decide to book a wedding planner if they are busy with each of their careers and can barely spend time on the weekend to research vendors, or they just want the expert guidance of a professional to help them maneuver through it all. They are worth the investment since they can help find vendors that fit your style. They work tirelessly from the time you book them to the day of your wedding, researching and communicating with various people to find the right one that fits your wedding personality. If you have been through your sibling's or friend's wedding before and seen the minutia of the wedding day, week, month, you may want a wedding planner for the month or week leading to the wedding. There are even day-of wedding planners. I've watched many couples having to stop what they're doing to be asked questions that take them away from their wedding day. Some are fine with it, while most wish they had a wedding planner to deal with the minutia.

Paramount Country Club in New City, New York

10.Book your photographer, cinematographer, or both.

This is a very special moment, and it may not be the time to have your family or friend with their new camera, who has no experience, take photos of your wedding. Professional photographers and videographers are experienced documentary story-tellers. They capture hundreds of moments, often happening simultaneously, that they are aware of the room, the people and can anticipate what's happening. They also are trained to light the photographs, using natural light and off-camera strobe lighting. I once was with a friend who got a DSLR camera, but she didn't really understand how to use it other than turning it on and only used the AUTO setting. We were at a gathering, and I used her camera to take a few photos of people and some artwork, and she didn't know why my photos looked better than hers when we were both using her camera. The lighting, angle, and knowledge of using any camera and lens, and taking pictures of all different subjects, which can only come from education and experience, is why professionals can do a more thorough job at documenting your wedding.

The Royalton Mansion at The Roslyn Country Club in Roslyn Heights, New York in Long Island

The best wedding photographers and cinematographers can be booked up to a year, or more, in advance. It's best to book them while they are available. They will only hold the date with a signed contract and paid deposit/retainer, and they book whoever comes first. They may have an associate available, trained to photograph in their style. If you're open to this option, ask them if they have an associate if they are not available. The main photographer may still edit the photos, as is the style of their brand. Photographers and cinematographers are not finished when they leave at the end of the wedding. Even if an associate was photographing your wedding, hours of backing up photos and editing them could take as much time as photographing the wedding or more. That's why the best and top New York or New Jersey wedding photographers and videographers take a limited amount of clients each season so they can be attentive to each client. Expect a range from $5,000-$1200+ for either, depending on your wedding collection add-ons (photo booth, engagement session, wedding albums, parent albums, wall art, prints, thank you cards, USB, matted prints, multiple copies of the wedding video, and more).

TIP: If you need help creating a wedding day timeline, even if you have a wedding planner, read through this advice so your photo timeline isn’t rushed on the day of the wedding. Photographers help create photo timelines, and will definitely work with wedding planners to create a realistic timeline for your wedding.

11.Book your engagement session.

It's a good way to feel comfortable in front of the camera and get a sense of how your photographer work. You'll learn natural poses and how to be aware of your body. Ladies, pop those hips away from the camera! Giving yourselves a natural "S" curve accentuates femininity and looks fantastic in photos. Your photographer will provide you with additional tips, so stop worrying. I've had dozens of couples say they're "awkward" in front of any camera. Each of them has loved their photos. We worked together to make sure they were having fun amidst the education they were getting as they learned to be in front of my camera. Couples can use their photos during their engagement party, have them as table numbers at the reception, or create a guestbook composed of their favorite images.

Want to know how to plan for your engagement session and what to wear? You can find some tips here.

Sandy Hook beach engagement photos in New Jersey.

12.Send out your Save The Dates.

Now that you've booked your venue and ceremony locations, you have your wedding date locked in. You can finally send your family and friends an official notice of when your wedding will take place. Sending out Save The Dates makes it really official, but send them out at least 6-9 months before the big day to give your guests time to ask for time off from work, save up if travel is involved, and find a place to stay. You can incorporate your engagement photos and even hint at your wedding style and colors based on the design.

13.Create your wedding registry and website.

Start adding to your wedding registry. You can register in many places and link them to your wedding website. Your website is where you can introduce yourselves, how your met, the proposal story, and anything else you want to share. Most importantly, your website should also have the addresses of the ceremony and reception, hotel block options and any codes required, travel information, things to do in the area for out-of-town guests, and the introduction of your bridal party, including your family. If you are having a destination wedding, list your travel agent to help with booking flights and hotels. When we had our destination wedding in Punta Cana, DR, we created a map of things-to-do outside of the resort and within the resort. Similar to what you'd do for a local wedding, mention your favorite restaurants, shopping areas, sightseeing, late-night locations like your favorite lounges, and other information like the attire and if it's an outdoor ceremony/reception. You can add a password to the site if you want to keep your website private, but make sure to provide the password to your guests on your Save The Dates. Create and design your wedding website from scratch using Squarespace, or use services like Minted, Riley & Grey, The Knot, Appy Couple, and many more.

Note: Some believe it's a faux pas to include your registry on your Save The Dates or formal invitations. Leave this to your bridal party, who is in charge of your bridal shower. Word of mouth, or have them send it out as part of the bridal shower invitation, is probably best.

14.Shop for your wedding dress and custom suit/tux.

This is one of the fun parts of wedding planning. Looking through wedding dresses and suits/tux. As you comb through magazines and Pinterest boards, note the style and fit of the dresses you love. I say love, and not like, because there are many options of dresses, and you need to be absolutely in love with the dress before pinning it as part of your favorites to try on. You also must be aware of what style and fit flatter your body type. Start looking at A-line, mermaid, and other silhouettes, in addition to necklines, fabric, and train. The season may also affect the style of the dress you choose. A velvet or brocade dress may be more suitable for a winter wedding than spring or summer. Set up your appointments to try dresses as soon as you can. It takes months to get a wedding dress ordered and additional weeks to ensure the dress is fitted to perfection leading to your wedding day. This applies to ordering custom suits and tux. If you're going for the hand-made bespoke tailoring, the suit's craftsmanship and its many details can be as intricate as a wedding dress. Get yourself fitted and have the suit ordered. Your tailor will make a recommendation as to proper sizing that allows for adjustments closer to the wedding date.

15.Book your caterer, band, ceremony quartet, floral and event designer, cake designer, and anything else you must-have for your wedding.

Many venues have in-house catering, others you have to bring your own caterer. If you want the band you heard at your friend's wedding or must have the floral event designer that did the flowers for a gala you attended, contact them as soon as you have secured the rest of your things to do above. Experienced professionals that are amazing at their work will always book quickly. Act fast to secure them for your wedding.

16.Book your stationery designer for invitations, menu, seating cards, and anything that needs to be printed.

Start discussing invitation designs with your stationery designer. If you have an event designer, have them provide guidance as to your stationery's look to complement the design of the event. It takes time to design your invitation and review the drafts. Ideally, you would want to send out your invitations out 6-8 weeks before the wedding day, with the RSVP returned 3 weeks before the big day. Sending it too early risks guests forgetting to RSVP. However, for destination weddings, send your invitations out 5-6 months in advance. Your save-the-dates have notified your guests that you're having a destination wedding. Now, your invitation allows you to plan accordingly with the destination venue. If you are getting married overseas, don't expect a quick turn-around to get your questions answered. In my experience with my own destination wedding, attending friend's destination weddings, and photographing destination weddings, island time exists! This may be the same if you're heading to Italy or France or other countries for your wedding. Most destination venues cater to dozens of weddings a week, so getting them to return your emails and calls may take some time. Don't worry. Everything does work out, but you need to be patient with dealing with any correspondences overseas.

17.Book your additional amenities like a photo booth, cigar stand, entertainment acts, live wedding painting, and anything in between.

Once you have booked the essentials, see if your budget has any room for additional perks that will liven your wedding. Photo booths allow guests, including the grandparents, to get off their seats and enjoy having photos delivered a few seconds after taking their pictures. Open-air photo booths can be designed to match the reception decor. Your guests may enjoy a live cigar roller, or for Southeast Asian weddings, a Bollywood or belly dancing entertainment act between speeches and dances. If John Legend can be booked for a wedding and you have the budget, then go ahead have him sing your wedding song as you and your partner dance your first dance.

18.Book your rehearsal dinner.

Discuss who will be planning this dinner and who will cover the cost and who needs to attend. It may be one of the few things you may think you can book closer to the wedding date. Still, restaurants and other venues are busy in the warmer months and around holidays, so finding a place with a fantastic ambiance, food, and the capacity to fit your wedding party, still requires a balancing act.

New-York-Wedding-Photographer-Wedding-Bands-Loubotin-Shoes.jpg

19.Shop for your wedding bands.

Usually, as fun as dress shopping, wedding band shopping for both couples is a unique experience. You are essentially looking for the right symbol for your marriage. You can choose one with your personality, and for brides, you can select one that matches perfectly with your engagement ring.

20.Book your hairstylist, makeup artist, and trial appointments.

The best makeup artists have worked fashion show runaways or have been in business for years catering to weddings. Their top-notch work helps photographers and cinematographers do their own job seamlessly, not having to worry about blemishes, or anything else, as the makeup stays fresh-looking for hours. This is the same for hairstylists. They make sure your waves, curls, updo, or whatever look you decide stays until the end of the night.

21.Shop for other wedding accessories, including veil, shoes for the couple, jewelry, cufflinks, watch, ties, belt, and your bridal party's dresses and suits/tux.

Give yourselves around 5-6 months to shop for the rest of your wedding accessories, including your bridal party's dresses, suits, or tux. They need time to get the dresses, suits, or tux ordered. If the groomsmen are renting, getting them reserved early is best, so you have better choices than risk not having the sizes and color, and style available closer to the wedding day. Any undergarments and shoes that will be worn should be brought to the first and any consecutive fittings. You may also have set different appointments from your own wedding dress shopping, which is OK. This way, parents can try on their wardrobe without an audience if they're shy, and your bridesmaids and groomsmen can try on theirs separately. Make a day of it for each one. It's nice to spend time looking at dresses, suits, and tux, then grabbing lunch with each party after.

22.Book your limo, bus, or any other transportation.

The limo may need to pick up part of the bridal party first to drop them off at the ceremony location and then pick up the bride. You may also need a bus or two to transport guests from the hotel to the ceremony and reception locations. It would be courteous to provide transportation, so guests are not drinking and driving.

23.Book your rental company if needed.

Suppose you have a wedding planner, floral event designer, or wedding stylist. In that case, they will take care of renting tables, chairs, linens, uplighting, china, flatware, barware, and whatever else you'll need for the wedding that the venue may not provide directly, or if you opt to use a different company.

24.Find your wedding favors.

Decide if you're giving out wedding favors. Most couples have a photo booth so guests can have immediate photos as their wedding favor. Other couples have the photo booth and additional items as favors to thank their guests for attending. Macaroons, chocolate, gourmet items are a few samples. Incorporate what you love into your favors. A couple that loves wine tasting can decide to make a barrel of their favorite type of wine and have it bottled in time for their wedding to give as gifts.

25.Get your marriage license.

Check with your state regarding laws for obtaining a marriage license. You cannot get married without this, so it's crucial to do the research and check the waiting period. You do not want your marriage license to expire. If you do decide to change your name after the wedding, then you need the marriage license, among other things, to change your name depending on where you live.

26.Create your seating charts.

This does actually take time. The venue can help you understand the number of tables and where they will be located at the reception. You can then create a chart of who will sit at each table. Be mindful of where the band/DJ are and their speakers. You wouldn't want elderly couples or guests with certain conditions sitting next to them. You may also consider having your guests with disabilities or have back problems face the sweetheart table directly, so they wouldn't have to turn their bodies to see what's happening. If you color-coded your guests, you could visually see where each family and friends are sitting and move people around based on the table's dynamics or personalities.

NYC-Wedding-Photography-Long-Island-Crest-Hollow-Country-Club-bridesmaid-dresses.jpg

27.Finalize everything with your vendors and your bridal party.

Double-check with your wedding team that everyone is on the same page as to the timeline of the wedding day, all contracts and payments are finalized, last-minute details are confirmed, and they have a go-to contact if you're not available. You can try to enlist your bridal party for any assistance if you do not have a wedding planner. Planners usually take care of the rest of the details, so you don't have to. Check with your bridal party that all their dresses and suits are altered, and if they need anything.

Brooklyn-New-York-Wedding-Photographer_-DUMBO-Engagement-Jacques-Torres.jpg

28.Go on several dates in between, away from wedding planning.

I always tell couples that they should take time away from wedding planning and enjoy each other's company. Weddings are a time of joy and blessings, but it can be hectic with all the schedules, planning, and details, which could become overwhelming on top of your own work and projects. At least twice a week, just be with each other and take a breath. It will help you recharge until you tackle the next task.

29.Book your honeymoon.

Make this the best vacation you’ve ever been to, so it’s worth saving up for your first adventure as a married couple. Fiji, Bora Bora, Paris, Rome, Tokyo, Sydney. Your destination may depend on what you both love doing. If you want to surf, then maybe Australia is where you should go. If you want laid back, then St. Lucia or Bora Bora are amazing locations to sit back and unwind. If you’re looking for history and architecture, Paris and Rome are beautiful.

30.Get Married!

Congratulations!! I am sure your wedding will be beautiful and memorable. You, your family, and your wedding team composed of hard-working and amazing vendors have done a great job pulling it all off and making sure your guests enjoyed their time. You should definitely enjoy this moment, and it's well deserved! Don't think about the next steps yet. Just be in the moment.

If you are thinking of the next steps, here's some advice on “What To Do After The Wedding” I hope it still helps! It includes how to change your name after marriage, what to do with your leftover items from the reception, and other helpful tips. Congratulations once again!

How To Plan A Wedding in 30 Steps in New York City or any Location (Steps 1-30)